The question of what makes an alcoholic was always a good topic at meetings. Of course A.A. has it's dogma. One man's cup of tea is another man's poison, too. It helped me, and countless others, but by no means the only way...as they tend to preach at those in attendance.
One of the biggest issues confronting me during those early years was about religious abuse. What helped me was learning about Shame. This is so common place that many people haven't a clue as to what it is, how it effects the individual, how the family unit functions on such sickness. Always it's the addicts' problem...but not so!
At any rate it's always a wonderful thing when someone reaches out for help. I spent 5 years in different 12-step programs, and have been blessed ever since. I left A.A., because, for me, the religious overtones became too heavy handed, and it reminded me of those horrible JW days. Besides, my time was better spent in private reading and pesonal inspection versus sitting for an hour or so watching and listening to the passing parade. It gets pretty weird at times. There are some seriously mentally ill individuals that will never, despite years of sobriety, change the whole person. Beware of users and abusers. Oh, and then there is, "musical beds." It's a trip. I'm so grateful for the experience.
I'm eternally grateful for my recovery not only from being a daily drunkard, but finding freedom from the bondage of religious abuse that probably surpasses any other type addiction. It's SHAME. Your are not/ will not ever be good enough....sound familiar.
Oh, I highly recommend John Bradshaw. Excellent insight into family dynamics of alcoholism and religious abuse. The two are bedfellows in many, many instances. Take care, friend.
granny